Orlando ·
It was one of those mornings that dawn so quietly after a restless night.
It started raining in the afternoon – a nonstop drizzle that drenches your soul, makes you restless and you walk from room to room – treading softly, not making a sound. I stood by the window and watched the rain water coming in the patio giving the illusion of a flowing river. Front yard was soaking wet too. Rose petals were strewn all over the grass.
And night! restless night when you just lie still and listen to the falling rain – on the roof, against the window, knocking on the door with its soft fingers. Time keeps ticking and suddenly there is dawn nudging you to get up.
It was raining all day today too and it was raining in parts of Pakistan too, so I heard. I smiled. yes, I smiled. Suddenly that unexplained feeling of loss was no more. We were in each others company. Who cares if the distance of miles was in thousands. We were close, we were together enjoying the rains. In far corners of life we all reached out and touched.
3/2/2015

اورلینڈو
زندگی میں شہد آگیں ،پھولوں سے مہکتے وقت کی چاہت ہر کوئ کرتا ہے مگر حقیقت کچھ اور ھوتی ھے ۔ جو جس کے لئے ہے بس وہی ہے۔
نہ اُس سے زیادہ نہ کم ۔ تنہا ئ کا مارا شکستہ دم مسافِر رکتا ضرور پے مگر جا نتا ہے کہ منزل کہیں اور ہے ۔ ۔ منزل ، جو کبھی نہیں آتی اور سفر جاری رھتا ھے
چلو کہ چل کے چراغاں کریں دیار ِحبیب
ھیں ا نتظار میں ا گلی محبتوں کے مزار
محبتیں جو فنا ہو گئ ہیں میرے ند یم ۔
یہ تین سطریں کسی نطم کی ، اچھی لگتی تھیں ، اِن کو پڑ ھنا اچھا
لگتا تھا ، سنانا اچھا لگتا تھا ۔ ز ندگی اور اُس کی تفہیم کے ساتوں در ابھی اجنبی تھے مگر پھر بھی چھوٹے چھو ٹے غم تھے ، چھوٹی چھوٹی خوشیاں تھیں ، ملال تھے ، خیال ہی خیال میں محبتوں کے مزار کبھی بنتے کبھی بگڑتے رہتے اور ایسی نطمیں دِلوں کو اُداس کر دیتیں ۔ ۔ اُداسی ، نا پائیدار اُداسی !
آداس تو اِس نے آج بھی کر دیا ھے ، معنی وہی ، دُکھ اور ملال کی کیفیت وہی ۔ ۔ ۔ کہیں کُچھ ہو گیا ہے ۔ کہیں کوئ ناخوش ہے ۔
بہت !!
میرے پاس کچھ اور نہیں
بس یہی چند حرف ہیں
جو لفظ بناتے بگاڑتے
معنی سمجھتے سمجھاتے
پھر حرف بن جاتے ہیں ۔
آج کا دِن چمکتے غبار کے جیسا تھا مگر ہوا بہت ٹھنڈی تھی کہیں جانے کو ہوا ہی نہیں ۔ نہ جھیل پر نہ ساحل کی طرف ۔ کتاب پڑھنے کا دِن !! اچھا لگتا ہے یہ بھی ۔
2 مارچ 2013

Orlando ·
Saw my swans, my beautiful swans
gliding in blue waters.
I scooped the beauty and planted in my heart!
I saw the name
etched on my morning window
suddenly my heart gave a leap, the surge was very strong.
I reached the sky and kissed the morning blue.
The rosy cheeks of dawn blushed even more.
In my garden, walking on the emeralds
I touched the daisies
and whispered to their fragrance
ride the air
reach the far corners
the book is waiting to be writ.
3.08.2013
3: 32
March 8, 2015

اورلینڈو
غبارِ ِ راہ ! رستے کی دھول مٹی ، کاروان کے گزر جانے کے بعد کا گرد باد ، غبار !
پروفیسر نعیم نے قریبا” قریبا” ڈانٹ دیا ” اضافتوں کا استعمال کم سے کم رکھو ۔ اچھی نژ کے لئے بہت ضروری ہے۔”
اب کوئی یہ بتائے کہ غبار ِ راہ نہ کہوں تو پھر کیا کہوں ؟ اس لفظ کی پرتیں جس طرح کھلی ہیں اس کے بعد کوئی اور متبادل ہو ہی نہیں سکتا ۔اور اگر سوچیں تو بہت ان کہی کہانیاں ملیں گی اس میں۔ کسی کو دیر میں پتہ چلتا ہے کوئی کب سے واقف ‘ حیران کھڑا ملتا ہے ۔ شائید ہر کوئی اپنے اپنے غبار ِ راہ کی خلش اپنے اندر سنبھالے ہوئے ہے ۔۔ کون جانے۔
غبار ِ راہ ! بہت افسردہ کر دیا اس نے آج ۔
۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔
اچھا شعر ‘ دن بھر میں اگر ایک بھی مل جائے ، میرے لئے وہ دن روز ِ عید سے کم نہیں ہوتا ۔اور آج کے دن کا حاصل ؟
اکیلی شام یوں گلیوں مکانوں سے گزرتی ہے
پھرے سینے میں جیسے اضطراب آہستہ آہستہ ( سرمد صہبائی)

Orlando

Connections snap. But they do not die or whither away.
Time or distance never become an issue. It stays deep down in our hearts shining just the way it was the day it bloomed.
Three years, four years or an eternity – nothing comes in the way. Memories keep the ends connected. Both aware, both acutely aware for each little, tiny, speck or smudge or a wave or a sudden whiff of a fragrance – making senses come alive. Like a half finished act of being with –
It was a welcome rap. I whispered to the winds knowing they will get the message connected !
From: kitab e zindagi
3/8/2015

Orlando
All of a sudden the lights went off…
It was not the electricity that got cut off, though. The rhythm, the lyrics and the lilt that was making the singers alive, alluring and electrifying for time to hold it for other times.
And time does not fly it happens and then stands still. only people go forward, leaving it behind. And it keeps collecting more and more. Gathering , piling up, more and more!
And I met the time. Found it still standing, waiting and sad. Sad and melancholy.
Standing lost and defeated for the last three years
Three years!! Standing tall, delivering thoughts. Smiling through words. Three years cupped their hands and received the words, “wish I was there” the distance
Whispered ” to hold you , to ease the pain ” the lonely winter night sobbed and time stood helpless. Watching. Silent.
Why? The wind throws a question angrily. It had to be, had to be?
Time puts a finger on its lips and closing eyes, dips to eternity
2/4/2016

Orlando
A writer’s mind is a strange thing.
In any given day, she would yearn for a time to call her own but instead she would go through the day, keeping a conversation going on in her mind. Some thought, a story line, making a dash to her note pad to jot down something she was looking for to help move the piece she was working on — bits and pieces of moments to vent her creativity – hard to find!
And on a rare occasion, when she has a whole day to herself. House is quiet and peaceful. there is no rush of anything – no meals to prepare because everyone is out doing their stuff and if she feel hungry, she would heat some frozen vegetables, toast a piece of bread, spread some humus on it and be happy. And write till her fingers are numb.
But it never happens
Mind has changed tracks.
Or you can say, mind has a mind of it’s own and it refuses to co-operate.
Sad!!
1/31/2016

اورلینڈو·
کچھ تھا – کہیں کچھ ھوا تھا۔ کوئی بات تھی ضرور۔ اسقدر بے چین تھی رات۔ بادل نہ برستے تھے اور نہ ھی کھلتے تھے ۔ رہ رہ کے بجلی چمکتی اور کہیں دور، بادلوں کے اندر کہیں بہت دور ایک گڑگڑاہٹ سنائی دیتی۔ جیسے شیر، بھوکا اور ناراض شیر دھاڑنے سے پہلے غّراتا ھو۔ یا کوئی فیصلوں کی محراب میں کھڑا گڑگڑاتا ھو۔ بے چینی اور سکون کا درمیانی فاصلہ طے کرنے کی اجازت طلب کرتا ھو۔ کن فَیّکُن کے درمیان درماندہ۔!!
کچھ تھا۔ کہیں کچھ تھا!!
1/28/2016

Orlando
It’s a very cold night. A freezing cold, strong wind kept blowing all day. It hasn’t lost it’s strength even now. I hear it howling. strange sound – kind of; scary.
I know the county opens the shelters for the night for homeless people. But even then some die huddled under the bridges. or sleeping on park benches because they didn’t want to go to a shelter. Unreasonable fears, mental illness or … I don’t know what does not let them understand the danger of being out in the open in a cold night like it is tonight.
They are constantly on my mind.
I hope they will survive the cold.
1/24/2016

اورلینڈو
نہ جانے کون کس کے راستے پہ چل رہا ہے
نہ پیروں کے نشاں ہیں
اور نہ کوئی چاپ اُبھرتی ہے
مگر پھر بھی کہیں کوئی سماعت
منتظر ہے ،
ہزاروں حاشیوں میں اک سنہرے حرف کُن کی ۔
میں سنتی ہوں، وہ کہتا ہے
سنو، دیکھو
تمہیں میری ضرورت ہے
میرے نغمے تمہاری نزر کرتا ہوں
انہیں رکھ لو
خزاں راتوں کی تنہائی سجا لینا
محبت گنگنا لینا
اگر پھر بھی سمندر پیاس کا سونے نہیں دے تو
تو اتنا سوچ لینا
ابھی میں جاگتا ہوں اور
ابھی کچھ اور جاگوں گا ۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔
محبت آزما لینا ۔
1/20/2016

Orlando
The world just does not revolve around me.
There is life outside of my sphere too. Countless universes where they come and go – connect – disconnect – collide – sever – get severed … or – just sit in the city of wait and wait for .. what? For nothing is nothing till it becomes something.
Forever running after our stars, desires, hopes … we do.
But The Suns keep setting and rising. Moons lose their shape, then curve and become crescents again.
A new vista opens – far and wide!
Ever expanding.
Does the center get alienated or the universes out of harmony ?

3/7/2016

اورلینڈو
یہ “بس” کون ھے؟
کیوں روکتا ھے، کچھ کرنے نہیں دیتا، بے بسی کی انتہا
بن کر زندگی اجیرن کرتا ھے ۔ مزا آتا ھے تنگ کرنے کا؟
اگر میرے بس میں ھوتا –
تو یہ کرتا،
وہ کرتا
زندگی کچھ اور ھوتی میری
دنیا کچھ اور ھوتی ، رنگا رنگ، خوبصورت ھوتی، نا انصافی اور ظلم سے پاک
سب مل جُل کر ، خوشی خوشی ، بھائ چارے کی مثال ھوتے ۔۔۔۔
تم میری زندگی میں شامِل ۔۔۔۔
تو کس نے روکا ھے ؟
“بس – میرا بس۔۔۔”
کوئ اور نہیں – بس – میں ھوں، بس’ ھم خود ھیں۔
“اگر ھو بس میں تمھارے تو بھول جاؤ ھمیں ”
کیوں بھئ، کیوں بس میں نہیں ؟ کہو تو آج، ابھی بھول جائیں !
مگر شائید نہیں۔
یہ ‘ بس ‘ کی کوئ اور قِسم ھے !
3/9/2014

I love my dreams. They are not always rosy and nice, but I love them anyhow. They give me a point to ponder, an opening to look into and find something webbed deep in something else. Once I wrote a story based on one of my dreams. I think dreaming is fun and it is educating too. I am not obsessed with the good or bad of dreams, I just take them as interesting chapters of an equally interesting book – LIFE.

Recently my primary care physician prescribed a medication that was giving me nightmares. I am not joking. Seriously. Serious nightmares. The night I take that pill, I am sure to wake up two or three times during the night because I was having a nightmare. I get out of bed, drink water, straighten my pillows and get into bed again. The funny part is, sometimes the dream will start again from where I had disrupted it. Me disrupting my dream! So does that mean these nightmares are churned by some machine and the machine has a cycle that has to complete itself? Weird. Isn’t it?

So a call to my nice doctor. He knew the side effects but its not that everyone has the same effect. “nightmares? ” he was amused. too scary? I could “hear” the amusement. But then he was professional again. Talked a bit more , reassured me – told me to stop taking it. He called the pharmacy to stop further fillings.  So no more nightmares but I am not yet back to my previous pattern of dreaming. No dreaming is no fun. Really. And in the wee hours, waking up from deep sleep, screaming and startling your sound asleep husband next to you  and answer his confused queries  is really no fun.

Do these Jehadies and suicide bombers dream? Can they? If they do; then of what? Dead bodies? – blown away body parts? – blood? – destruction? – carnage? But this is what nightmares are made of.

I wonder if they were devoid of feelings and emotions. Do they never fall in love? wish to spend life with someone? be part of someone’s life? Do they know what beauty is? And dreaming about a beloved’s face is so beautiful! Puts a smile on your face that you carry with you the whole day. Oh, do they know what they are missing in life!

I value my dreams. They keep me sane and give me sensibility.

My “firsts” of August,

It was beautiful and magnificent.
Mighty!
Tall and big.
I had never seen anything like that.
When I saw the Eiffel Tower the first time, I just flipped.

We were in Paris for a week. Iqbal Rizvi sahab’s French driver was supposed to pick us from our Champs-Elysees – again Rizvi sahabs vacation apartment – to take us to louver museum. And then to St. Peter’s Cathedral.

I told him to just deposit us at the museum and we would do the rest of sight seeing on foot. Like a true French man he would not speak in English , just nod the head to let us know he understood what we were saying. In one full week he never once uttered an English word and did exactly what was told him to do. We were warned about that before hands.

“It is below a french people to adopt another language to talk “

(continued)

Back home after hours and hours of just – killing the time. reason? Fumigation before the rainy season sets in. We already have daily thunderstorms that some times garajtey hein par barastey nahin 🙂
And what ever rainfall we are getting has disturbed the ants colonies. Already we we have an – kind of – onslaught of ghost ants. They are such sneaky ummm s. And they love sneaking on me and then’ ready… go. there, they bite me; me, the person who has such fear of ants. We have another kind here, called fire ants. If they bite you then God help. For a week you will be scratching like crazy……….. no matter what you apply, they will take their course before subsiding slowly.

They are actually quite a bad lot. If you don’t take care of your yards, they would start building their colonies. we call them ant hills. If – God forbid – you hit that hill , before you know it they would already be crawling up half your body. And you know what? they probably have some secrete password. The queen ant would say that and all those already crawling on you would lock their jaws on your flesh, That is the exact time you would let out a blood curdling scream and start jumping like a mumbo jumbo dancer…

I got bit by a single so called fire ant and had to be rushed to emergency room. I got shot after shot and the nurse kept working on me to keep me awake.That was some ant bite!!

We are safely back home.
Hello friends.
Hope you all are good
🙂

7/24/2016

The Enchantress.

Poor girl lost her life. I feel sorry for her. Whoever or what ever she was is none of my concern. My concern is she was a pretty faced human being. Pretty inside too or not? I have no authority to decide. But like any other human being she had a right to live; and die a natural death. Did an one ask the brother who gave him the right to decide an adult’s – that happened to be his sister – fate. Every sensible, person with a conscience is fed up with these self styled keepers of faith, honor and religion.

And why doesn’t anyone say anything about people who were streaming her photos lying beside these moulvies , selfies of various stages of intimacy and people on the sidelines doing hai hai look at this be sharam and giving her bad names free hand!. Then there are some being more self righteous and remembering how people 1300 years ago used to kill their daughters . Give me a break friends, this was a Pre-Islamic practice. It was the Prophet of Islam who put a ban on it. Please understand that these goon who are ravaging towns and cities and countries have no Fiqh. No Faith. What they preach and practice is NOT Islam. They are nothing but a plague.

Then there is another group calling Qandeel Baloch a Pakistani kim kardashian? A what ? Excuse me ?? Is it some kind of a medal? Oh bow your heads people, she looked like Kim K.. This is called inferiority complex if anything. To liken yourself to some gori actress/ model/ cheapster to prove your worth, your sale ability?

I feel nauseous reading all this … feel like throwing up. Where is our self respect people! Value her for her, not for some foreign name brand! Be proud that you had a home grown bold and fearless enchantress. Not like someone who in her own country is a butt for jokes

I feel strongly averse to the practice of pairing people with rich and famous. Like this will give some shine if they rub with some celebrity. Pathetic – is what comes to my mind. Why can’t we stand on our two feet and assert proudly – this is me.. yes this is me and I am proud of who I am. Period.

7/17/2016

7/9/2016

4th of Shawwal 1437.

7/9/2015

This year, the Eid was on July 6/2016 after 29 days of fasting. It was tough fasting in this heat, when any given day the temp. is hovering around 96/97 degrees F. We in the western countries are still better off than our other Muslim Families in Pakistan where load shedding and water scarcity has made life a punishment. And the scariest part of the situation is : there is no hope of any improvement .
7/9/2015
11:40 Morning.
Ramadan, 22/

This is the third year, I am repeating this small segment of my mind. It sometimes scares me how monotonous life sometimes looks but does it feel monotonous too?
Over the period of these three Ramadans, I do not see much difference from one to the other. From moon sighting to first sehri to first breaking of fast is the same all over again, and again. or maybe it’s so for the ‘veterans’ and different for younger ‘crop’ who embrace every new thing with a wide eyed wonder.

So is there any notable change? Well… yes and no. Yes, my son got married. Yes, my lovely granddaughter is not wavering in her resolve to keep fasting the whole month. MashaAllah. Her chacha, at age seven was asked why he is not keeping a roza like other friends his age? That seven year old child startled me with his reply.

” I am going to fast all my life after it is wajib. So why do it now when it is not wajib” True to his words, he has never missed one, after he reached the age when fasting became obligatory to him.

(Previous year)

Its not that I have stopped thinking or my mind is on strike. But during this time of Ramadhan, I am trying to have a peek into my mind to see, and match the previous Ramadhan. Its amusing to note the changes .. hum wohi, tum wohi magar ….,
ثبات ایک تغیر کو ھے زمانے میں

So how is life?
Life says I is fine; thank you.
Month of Ramadhan is almost here. My younger son has already started fasting. He was telling me that during lunch hour he goes to their Conference Room if it is not in use at that time; and his Kindle gives him company. Kindle definitely has integrated in our lives.

I sometimes wonder if we are heading towards eliminating speech and start communicating only via text, and such.

In early sixties when TV came to our house, I was upset because suddenly evening activities were decided around TV viewing. Family get to-gathers were restricted, rerouted or rare. Come evening and the family would sit around the set, watching something or the other. Evening walks became history.
Then came the Internet and the world was not the same anymore. Whatever little semblance of the old world was there – GONE!

No complains. On-line ‘thingy magic’ has many benefits too. When I received my first Kindle, I was a little weary. Letting go of paper books was hard. The smell of a leather-bound book is so exhilarating! I am not joking but having a book in my hands was an ultimate ‘High’. It still is. But I am also used to reading on Kindle now. Right now I have 18 books on it. If I think about the paper books, I also have to think about space. And to say the least, my two four shelf each, big book cases are brimming. There is absolutely no space for even a thin volume. Then there is the question of cost. Its about half the cost of a paper book. Sometimes even less. My Amazon buddy works for me like a network of libraries. I have set-up an account with them. So any book is just a click away. Only regret is, I cannot order Urdu books from them and there are hoards of Urdu books that I would like to read. But getting a book from Pakistan is not easy. Funoon, an Urdu, literary magazine was sent to me from Karachi in the middle of June. We are approaching middle of July and it is still somewhere on its way.

Girls are busy today. They were already on the breakfast table when I went to the kitchen for my cup of tea. empty glasses of chocolate milk pushed aside, heads touching, they were busy on I-Pad. They looked up, gave me a smile, said salaam to me and then – I was dismissed! They went back to what they were reading and enjoying. My lovelies!!

I wish love, compassion, peace and a prosperous future to all the children of the world.

July, 9, 2013
10:56 in the morning.

I love writing.
Once Professor Nagi asked “… what would you be doing if not writing stories? ” I would still be writing stories, I just blurted out. He peered from under his brow but didn’t say anything. Only a girl at the back seats guffawed. I have no idea she laughed at my stupidity or the professor being out witted by a student. I didn’t even ask after the class was over.
Such are precious little memories that hearts cherish.

Writing is my love. And I know that I write well. But I never stop and wait for some applause. Once some one sent a detailed article that he had written about my Kraft along with a letter to – ‘any’ editor, and asking me to send that to any magazine of my choice. No sir, I cannot do that. So it is still with me, resting in my papers. If ever I could bring myself to type that long article in Urdu, I will add it to my website, that I promise, but sending it out does not feel right.
.
Here is a friend – Nisar Sheikh – who wrote this short piece appreciating two of my stories.

Dear Riffat !

Yesterday my composer sent your both afsanas composed in INPAGE for my proofing of his composed work. I read your both stories in one go and I was very much impressed by your style,the themes the imagery.the situation,The back ground,the dialogues and the Anti-climax of Gunnah.

I wonder how could you visualize such a situation for SAIEY. I too had the opportunity to watch these poor emigrants from the third floor window of my hotel in Dubai,clad in navy blue uniform,walking briskly to a dirty but cheap restaurant at rear road of my hotel, for their lunch . I could only pity them but could not develop a story out of it as you have knitted.The lust for money and hunger of sex has very beautifully been described by you in this story. But I still fail to understand your source of observation.If it is an imagination,it is simply superb.

Again in Gunnah your observation is having unlimited depth and truth.while describing the events and carving your characters.It has a touch of class and only a very mature writer can create such articulate expression. I guess you wrote this story Gunnah when you had just completed your Masters in Urdu. Or you had ample time in your university classes to sit and pen down such type of master piece .. Oh , Yes the Anti- climax is most stunning. This alone is flaggship of your story to distinguish and excel it from others.

Unfortunately I am not gifted with the talent of a critic.So I can not select the right words and the usual appreciation phrases for your both Afsanas.However I can commit that I have never read such stories with such unique plots.and themes.

Thank you for providing me a rare chance to read such wonderful stories.

Nisar
…………………
Thank you Nisar janab smile emoticon

3/22/2015